i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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