She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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