Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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