I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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