Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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