Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize