why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We had to coat check the pizza.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
