Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
