im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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