nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Blood and glitter go together right?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
