he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Success! We fucked roommates!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
