I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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