I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize