fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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