Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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