i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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