I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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