Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
