her vagina looked like bernie madoff
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
