I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize