Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
