do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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