We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
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Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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