I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
