my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
