I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
