NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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