Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
