You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
