OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
