It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
