It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
