Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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