you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
