remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
