3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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