Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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