I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
