Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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