i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
