i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
