This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
