Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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