we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
