when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Randomize
