Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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