i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
