I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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