i permit you to call me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Randomize
