i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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