I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
