I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
