hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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