Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You've changed since you got that strap on
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
