I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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