I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
