I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
