remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
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he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
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Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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