dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
