i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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