I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
