im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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