It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
