apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
