I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
