Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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