I wish I could punch you in the face.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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