I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
is it fun? or sober?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
