I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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