Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
