Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
