i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
