Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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