i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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