Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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