my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
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this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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