This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
