yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
